So hey, who is an idiot? I am! Because I go to places where I know there will be pain and hurt and sadness and anger and just, FUCK, why did I go.

There was an alumni breakfast kind of thing at my high school and I went and I shouldn't have and it was just. Bad is an understatement. It was, actually, parts of it were fucking infuriating but I am not going into this now because just no, but it was bad. The parts that were good were great but the parts that were bad outweighed the good, so there's that, and I am napping now.

This is coming out of nowhere, and totally feel free to ignore it, but. Okay, so there's this piece of Metalocalypse fanart. On Y-gal. I am going to try to find it, hold on, GOT IT, 's by Matsunaga, called Supplication, Skwis/Toki, not that graphic but possibly not worksafe, dependent on where you work, I guess[there's ass and it's... obviously not chaste, okay]. IT IS SO HOT, oh my god, just, fuck, what the hell. It's gorgeous. As is, you know, a lot of her stuff, but not the issue here. So I saw that, I spazzed, I saved it, and then I... promptly stopped thinking about it. Because, just, no, can't think about that. Anyway. Just read a bit of Star Trek fic, right, and, uh. There's apparently this thing where Vulcans have... very sensitive hands? And I read some handporn in Star Trek fandom and I think you can see where I am going with this, guys, GUYS. Do you know how bad I want Metalocalypse hand-worship porn now? I wanted it when I saw the picture, yeah, and when I read the artist's comments on the bottom, but READING it in ANOTHER FANDOM made me WANT IT. Oh my god, it's HORRIBLE. I CONSIDERED WRITING IT, YOU GUYS, for a split second, yeah, but GOOD LORD. It would be MAGNIFICENT, oh my god. And no one's done it! As far as I can tell, there is NOTHING, and I have scoured the comms for decent fic and found NOOOTHIIING. And it's not like there's even a Metalocalypse kink meme[ALTHOUGH THERE TOTALLY SHOULD BE, holy fuck], and it's not like I could request it anyway because I would feel guilty for requesting something without writing something for another prompt and aaagh WHY do I have to have IDEAS and the inability to execute them? Goddd.

APPARENTLY I HAVE A HAND FETISH NOW, FUCK. IT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE, how, HOW does my brain go from STAR TREK handporn to wanting METALOCALYPSE handporn? ONLY ME, PEOPLE. Aaagh, and it would make so much sense, oh my god, because Skwisgaar's hands are insured for TEN BILLION DOLLARS. And they're the fastest fingers in the entire world, and we already know Toki does not like his own hands, he says he has short, stubby fingers[which I have A HARD TIME BELIEVING, Mr. Wartooth, you are the second fastest guitarist in the WORLD, you are not nearly as bad as you have been led to believe you are. Skwis is just a jerk{WHO IS IN DENIAL ABOUT WANTING TO MAKE OUT WITH YOUR FACE}] and he hates them, but, like, SKWISGAAR'S HANDS. ARE THE FASTEST HANDS IN THE WORLD. And I bet they're long and pretty and graceful and all that, and Toki NOTICES, HOW COULD HE NOT, and they need to be TAKEN CARE OF, and he gets worse than Charles in Skwisklok about keeping Skwisgaar's hands safe[which, why was that dropped? That never came up again, it's sort of a big deal HIS HANDS ARE INSURED FOR TEN BILLION DOLLARS. THAT'S NOT SOMETHING YOU JUST IGNORE. God the lack of continuity in this series makes me want to SCREAM sometimes], and of course, inevitably, Toki's thoughts go the way of the pornographic and he can't even deal with Skwisgaar touching him AT ALL anymore, not with THOSE HANDS which have taken center stage in his fantasies, and because Skwisgaar is stupid, but he's not blind, he notices, and because Skwisgaar, NO MATTER WHAT HE SAYS, needs Toki's attention, he gets all pissed and confronts him AND THEN THERE IS HANDPORN. SOMEHOW.

I AM NOT WRITING THIS, PEOPLE. IT WILL NOT HAPPEN.

GODDAMNIT.

So, uh, I just got my grade for my final paper, right, and I... got a 90 on it, and I got an 87 for the semester. Which means my GPA is in the range of a 3.4 now. It'll probably end up being a 3.2-ish after I get the grade for SitU, which is... not going to be good. But, anyway, 90 on my final paper.

That paper did not deserve a 90.

I bullshitted that paper and I did not do a significant part of the assignment. My professor wanted an interview from an expert in the field, and I was planning on interviewing my biology professor for it, back when it was an informational paper and before I revamped the entire thing to be an argument paper. As my biology professor is technically an immunologist, the line of questioning I had originally, which only related to being a research scientist and not specific issues in my field, after the paper got revamped and I chose an issue, I couldn't think of any questions to ask him[although now I'm thinking of a buttload, of course]. So I decided to interview my advisor, who is a geneticist, which is closer to the field I want to go into[much, MUCH closer; almost identical, except he seems to work with plants, whereas I want to work with animals and more specifically humans]. My advisor? Is fucking IMPOSSIBLE to pin down. Not even joking, I went up to his office hours for two days straight and he was NOT there. So I didn't include an interview, I added in a note explaining why I was missing an interview, and handed it in like that. I fully expected and accepted that I was going to get significant points off. Ten percentage points is... much, MUCH less than I was expecting. Especially considering the fucking average for the class was, oh, let's see... A 65, CHRIST.

I feel like I cheated my professor, and I feel like I'm cheating the system. Which is stupid, because it's subjective grading! She's the one that decided to give me the 90! I've consistently scored at least a grade higher than the class average for every paper, with my scores being, on average, 23 percentage points higher than the class' scores. But still, it grates on me. I shouldn't be able to get away with this. I feel like a gigantic geek for this metaphor, and there's no way to put it into really clear words, but I feel like I'm a character in a video game and my player has cheat codes. Like, game breaking cheat codes. I feel like I've gotten away with something. I have an unfair advantage and... I've felt the weight of being smarter than the people around me for years, I've felt like a weirdo for being more intelligent, more eloquent, more analytical than my peers, since I was in grade school. That's nothing new. This is the first time I've felt guilty about it. Not burdened by it, not annoyed by it, guilty. And there's no fucking reason for it. If you have something other people don't have, and the people in charge don't say you aren't allowed to use it, then you have an advantage and you're fully within your rights to use it. Survival of the fittest[herein, "fittest," of course, means "smartest"] and all that. This is the first time I've felt BAD about being smarter than someone, this is the first time I've felt like I don't deserve a leg up on the competition. I don't know, it's not a nice feeling and I want it to go away, I want my intellectual elitism back.

Aaanyway. Been watching Death Note, because I stopped after episode 25 last time I watched the series. It's not as bad as I expected. I mean, I didn't expect it to be BAD, per se. Just... not as good as the early episodes. Because, you know, massive spoilery reasons. But, yeah, it's good. I have a few other anime I need to finish up, I need to finish InuYasha aaand, hm, what else... I started The Twelve Kingdoms and Hellsing[but I don't like Hellsing so much, I only watched the first episode then moved on. Not sure why, but I'll try it again] and, technically, Sailor Moon, but that's super long and not very high on my priority list since I grew up with it. I have to finish those, and then I need to START Lucky Star, Cowboy Bebop, and CardCaptor Sakura. Oh, and Howl's Moving Castle. So, yeah, that's my to-do list over break, haha.

Oh my goood, Keinohrhasen, this is the best movie ever. Cheyenne-Blue is the MOST ADORABLE CHILD EVER. GUYS SHE'S SO CUTE. I really cannot even, oh my god. This movieee, it is amazing. All of the people in this movie are so shiiiny.

So, uh, I'm watching SciFi's[I REFUSE TO CALL IT BY THAT OTHER NAME, that is the stupidest pandering to the idiotic masses I've ever seen and I'm going to stop ranting on it now] miniseries, Alice, and, uh, WOW. They're pretty damn good at miniseries, aren't they? First Tinman, then this? Because this is pretty spectacular, not gonna lie. I like this a lot. I'm just gonna stop babbling about this right now, but one, I kind of want Alice/Duchess femmeslash, and two, I want more about Hatter and Mad March[although I am only halfway through the miniseries, there might be more], because there's gotta be a backstory there. They can't just throw the canon there out the window. They managed to tie the dormouse to Hatter, they can tie Mad March to him too. Either way, it's very good, so back to that now, and then tomorrow I will watch Keinohrhasen on the way home and it will be lovely. So toodles now.

JUST HATCHED AN IMPISH EEVEE. FEMALE, NO LESS. MY LIFE, IT IS AWESOME. This means I am now almost completely finished breeding. All I need is a female Modest Eevee and I'm done, because I can very easily breed more Impish 'vees, now that I've got a female. So I should switch out the girl in there now for the Impish girl. Will do that after I level her up a bit and after I hatch my five remaining eggs. I also have to evolve my female Umbreon-to-be and teach her bite. But that has to wait until later tonight, can't evolve to an Umbreon during the day. And then I'll leave the permanent Eevees in the daycare center until they breed out a Modest female, which... will probably take a super long time. BUT I JUST GOT MY IMPISH, I've been breeding for her for MONTHS.

AAAWESOME.

Aaaagh my stomach. Oh my god what the hell it fucking huuurts. Possibly this is karma for being a bitch today, but it was only in my head, I swear! And on Twitter, a little.

Oh holy fuck it hurts.

I am on a Pokemon kick! Been breeding Eevees like crazy for the past few days, and I'm planning on trying to trade some of the ones I don't have a use for[which... is most of them, as awful as that sounds] away over break, because THREE. BOXES. OF EEVEES I DON'T NEED. Urgh. Will post the list of my spares on either Thursday night or Friday, after I get home, and then I'm gonna post on pokemon advertising my Eeveepalooza. Because good lord, I really have to get rid of these. But, yeah, this is the presale, kind of; if anyone who reads this wants some Eevees, let me know, and if you have a gender/nature preference... I probably have it[I run a little low on females, but that's to be expected. Damn gender ratio].

IN OTHER POKEMON NEWS, HG/SS COME OUT SOON. And by soon I mean MARCH. I know what I want for MY birthday! SO EXCITED. Also, APPARENTLY they come with something called a PokeWalker? Where you can transfer one Pokemon over to it and when you walk around, like ACTUALLY walk around, it gets experience? FUCKING AWESOME. ANYWAY, I am going to go back to breeding 'vees now, toodles.

I... lost my ability to not-capslock a second into the episode, so, uh, this is preeetty capsheavy. Sorry.

( Ohhh, this is gonna be a painful episode to watch, I can already tell. )

Had an existential crisis last night, not exactly over it yet. Won't be for probably a few weeks. Technically, won't be over it until I get my final grade for Writing. Yes, I had an existential crisis over my last paper, and yes, it was an EXISTENTIAL crisis, I know full well what qualifies an existential crisis, and believe me, the extenuating circumstances surrounding this last paper definitely makes this an existential crisis. No, I'm not elaborating. Of possible significance as well, I am bleeding. Lovely.

Watched a buttload of movies last night and am doing the same tonight. Last night was, in approximate order, In Bruges[delicious Irish accents, yes. Also, hitmen. Highly recommended], The Prestige[for which I spoiled myself by looking at Wikipedia, I don't suggest you do that if you watch. Recommended], Confessions of a Shopaholic[DON'T JUDGE ME, I like stupid comedies sometimes, as a few of the other films on this list will show. Recommended], Let The Right One In[technically I did not watch this, I only watched the first five minutes of it, because my fucking subtitle file refuses to sync up correctly to the people speaking and I refuse to watch the English version until after I see the Swedish, so I'm going to rent it, maybe], and half of Forgetting Sarah Marshall[which I watched the rest of today. Mostly for Russell Brand, because he is my favorite. Recommended, though it hit my embarrassment-squick in places{most comedies do, though}]. On deck is The Virgin Suicides, She's The Man, Slumdog Millionaire, Funny People, The Darjeeling Limited and, after I finish acquiring them, Heathers, Empire Records, and possibly, if I can find subs for it, Der Bewegte Mann[Inglourious Basterds has gotten me rather... interested in Til Schweiger, so I'm also looking into some of his other movies. Also, on a foreign film kick lately, not sure why]. And I definitely need the subs, because my German is good, but it's not that good yet. I dunno, I'm just in a movie mood lately. TV shows are only once a week, I don't really have anything to read and fandom hasn't been keeping my attention[except for the fandoms that DO, except for the part where they're all teeny tiny itsy bitsy. It's ridiculous, I'm IMMERSED in small fandoms lately]. Anyway, Simming right now, so toodles.

OKAY, ALRIGHT, I NEED TO VENT.

( Rambly, bitchy/depressed-ish thoughts on Metalocalypse[particularly the Scandinavians' characterizations in fic], feel free to ignore. )

OKAY, THAT WAS FUN. Anyway. I need to eat and then I have to, I don't know, do other things. Toodles.

UGH, getting sick. Boy, I really hates it. Nose has been running since yesterday afternoon. This wind and cold shit is not good for my fragile composition! It's not super bad yet, but I definitely have a slight head cold. Not quite post-nasal drip yet, so hopefully if I dose up with Sudafed, it won't get painful, and if it does it'll happen AFTER finals. Not that it really matters, I don't particularly care how well I do on my SitU final, as it is a presentation and by nature of being ME, I will already do better than a lot of people in my class, and chem and bio are both tests, and we all know I rock at tests.

Obviously, I am sacrificing my attention in chemistry today in favor of the internets. This is because I need to find myself a god-tier pea coat what will shelter me against the icy cold Clarion winds[because cold I can handle, cold I'm used to. Wind what makes my eyes water? Not so much]. Found one on Delia's website that's $90 knocked down from $130-ish, and I should be able to handle that after Christmas. But I think I'm gonna go down to the mall on the 26th and try to find some sales going on, and then that way I can also try on a few and see which one I like the most. Because my hoodie is just not cutting it, and the pea coat I have now is effing THIN, it's like an early-fall jacket. I think I also have to pick up some long john bottoms, because holy fuck it's cold up here, guys.

Uhhh what else. Not too much going on right now, I am sitting in chemistry, regretting getting up this morning. I just don't feel good today. Sucks to be me, but I'mma go now. Maybe will post later.

GODDAMNIT. GODDAMNIT! Oh my god, I fucking want to cry right now. I have these headphones. Skullcandy Hesh headphones, they are gigantic and magnificent and I love them. Had them on, was clipping my nails. And I fucking CUT. THE. WIRE. RRGH, oh my god, I hate my life. There's no way for me to fix them right now, there's no way for me to replace them right now, and just, FUCK, I can't believe I just did that. My mom is ordering a replacement set now, but I won't have them until I get home next week and I'm just really fucking pissed at myself right now.

AAAGH.

AAAGH.

I AM FREAKING OUT SO BAD.

AAAGH.

Hm. So I'm playing the Sims, aaand I'm not sure how to classify the Graeae. Because I've been doing this thing with the monsters, where I give them this really dramatic kind of makeup, it's a band of whatever color all the way across both eyes. And I don't have it on the Graeae, but I have it on all of their siblings. Because from what I can tell, the Graeae, while supernatural and odd, aren't monsters, per se. Like, the gorgons, Ekhidna, Typhon, Kharybdis, the kyklopes, they're all unequivocally monsters. So they all have the band. But the Graeae aren't as... grotesque. They're just old. So, I don't know. Dilemma.

ANYWAY. I have things I should probably post about but I don't want to because I'm simming. So, you know. Toodles.

I. LOVE. THIS. SHOW.

I CAN'T EVEN. TOKIII OH MY GOD.

OKAY, NO, I'M DONE NOW.

K-K-K-COCAINE.

ETA: I... Not gonna lie, I was hoping for feral!Toki. Like, really badly. Also, I am thinking thinky thoughts about Skwisgaar now, fuck, I am thinking thoughts I should not be thinking. Not gonna go there. But, yeah, good episode! Shipbaiting too! Not enough Pickles, but there is never enough Pickles. Happy making.

Ahahaha, I love that people are weirded out by my preference for dark rooms. Roomie's having a movie night in the other room, and I have the light in here turned off, because that's how I prefer it. So, anyway, she comes into the room and gets some soda or something, and then shuts the light off again, and I hear one of the girls in the other room ask if I'm sleeping. Roomie goes, "no, she's doing homework,"[because that's the excuse I gave for not wanting to hang out. In reality, I just... don't want to hang out, I always feel like I'm the third wheel], and the other girl goes, "Oh. ...How can she see?"

And I burst out in the silent giggles. Snrk. Best ever.

I don't know why I'm always so hesitant to save new fandoms to my delicious. It's always really bad, because I'll get into a new fandom, read fic in said fandom, but NOT save any of it to delicious, because for some bizarre reason, if I haven't saved fic in that fandom to my delicious, I can convince myself I'm not in the fandom. BUT THEN I CAN'T FIND THE FIC I WAS READING THAT I LIKED SO MUCH. This has been happening with Metalocalypse for, like, the past few days. I've been reading shitloads of fic[and hoooly fuck for a show with just over two seasons, and with such a ridiculous premise, there is a GIGANTIC fandom. It's HUGE, it's one of the biggest small-fandoms I've seen], and there was this one, right, that I was DYING over, it was really really good, and then I lost it. And of course I hadn't saved anything to my delicious yet because I am resisting the siren call of having a new fandom as hard as I can[which, I'm really not sure why I do that, but, I mean, I have... 69{SNRK} tags under my fandom bundle on delicious. Metalocalypse will be number 70. That's a lot]. But I went back and found it and saved it and now I'm going to go on a tagging spree. Because, like I said, fuckton of fics. FUCKTON. Exciting!

Uhhh what else, nothing else. Apparently the boyfriend is going to be showing up tonight. Awesome. A week and a half. Kara, you can make it a week and a half, you can do it, good god it's gonna be so niiice. Gonna go now.

Oh shit, I'm using contemplative as my mood all the time now. Those three are my faaavorite.

CHANGED MY MOODTHEME.

BECAUSE I'M PATHETIC.

Also changed my background, to a piece of Metalocalypse fanart that is... hm. I honestly don't know which one, this or the Sex Drive background, would get me weirder looks. Because the sex drive background had the word "boyfriends" in big capital letters over the image, but the Metalocalypse background has... uh. Actual touching. You know, PG or PG-13, I'm not gonna put anything worse than that on my background, but there are abs and a happy trail showing. But, yes, new background, super exciting. OH MY GOD NEW EPISODE TOMORROW NIGHT SO EXCIIITED.

I have two papers to write. I have to write my fucking paper for Writing II, and then I have to write up a lab report for bio. Nnngh. Don't want to. The bio report is due Monday, so that has priority, and I also have no idea what the hell to do for the Writing II paper, which is due Tuesday. I really just want to be done, I want to take my finals and have my break. Um. Nothing else to really say, gonna go now.

SO HEY GUYS, GUESS WHAT I JUST FOUND OUT. Bioboy and I have the same labs next semester. LABS, PLURAL. Ahahahahaha, YES. We both have bio at 1 and chem at 5 on Mondays and, see, this is good, because next semester is more ecology and environmental biology than molecular biology, and he's an environmental biology major. Exciiiting. I'm just really pleased by this turn of events.

What else. Uhhh. I was up until fucking four in the morning writing up resumes and shit and OH MY GOD THAT'S RIGHT GUYS GET THIS, THE MUSEUM OF NATURAL HISTORY HAS A GRAD SCHOOL PROGRAM. It's only got one degree, a Ph.D. in comparative biology, but that is so effing broad it isn't even funny, oh my god, do you people realize what I would do to get into this program? I would pay through the nose, I would kill someone, I would... probably sleep with someone[which, you know, if you've been here for more than a month, you know that's... kind of REALLY out of character for me]. A few people. Maybe even at the same time. If it got me into this program, I'd be willing to do a shit load of stuff. YOU GUYS. THE MUSEUM OF NATURAL HISTORY. I could get my Ph.D. from the same place I've been visiting every few years for TEN YEARS, HNGGGH. I pretty much died when I found out. Christ.

So, like. I could elaborate on my last post, particularly the ETA, and I sort of want to, but, uh. I just can't even, you guys. My show kills me, it kills me dead and THERE'S A NEW EPISODE THIS SUNDAY SO EXCITED. See, it's so good I got into it now, because not only am I in the thick of it, the season's actually going and all that, but the great thing about this show is there is SO much stuff to keep one occupied. I've been listening to the two albums for a couple days, and I... am a little ashamed of saying this, but I did not expect the music to be NEARLY as good as it is. I'm not exactly a death metal connoisseur, as most death metal doesn't work for me[particularly Scandinavian metal; something about a lot of it just irks me]. But I like some metal, and I like some death metal and I particularly like melodic death metal that doesn't cross the line to orchestral[that's actually one of my biggest issues with melodic death metal, that it's usually orchestral death metal, and, like, that's nice for one song every once in a while, but cellos do not have a place in every death metal song, sorry], and, just, christ, the music is SPECTACULAR. It's nuts. It's... here's the thing. There's so much effort being put into it. It's a fucking Adult Swim show, and this band has released two albums. Two really fucking good albums! Like, critically acclaimed albums[by the critics that have deigned to pay attention to the pseudoband, anyway]! It's insane! And the thing is, this makes the show accessible to a MUCH wider audience. Because, and particularly Dethalbum II, some of the songs... pass. To people like me, who are casual listeners and not die hard death metal fans[but still enjoy the occasional headbang], a lot of the songs pass for a legitimate band's songs. And even the ones that don't are catchy as hell. Like, I legitimately enjoy listening to the two Dethalbums, significantly more than any other death metal I've listened to. Oh, also, can I talk for a second about "Kill You"? Because, see, the fact that it's PICKLES singing? And that it's distinctly more glam metal than death metal? GUYS. PICKLES. SINGING. That's just. "Kill You" is probably my second favorite song off The Dethalbum[after Murmaider, which. I fucking love that song, holy crap], and, just. It's awesome, I love it, and I can't stop listening to it[ESPECIALLY THE DRUMS IN THE BEGINNING, HOLY FUCK. I'm not really a music person, like I can't listen to a song and tell you how hard that guitar riff is or how complicated that drum sequence is, but the DRUMS IN THIS SONG. They make my brain explode]. And, okay, now that I've spent an entire paragraph babbling about the music, I'm gonna stop now. But, seriously, I very highly recommend this show and all supplemental materials, you guys. Get your hands on it if you can[speaking of which, because she is a lovely person and I love her and she is the best parent ever, I think my mom is going to buy me the DVDs of seasons 1 and 2 for Christmas. SO. EXCITED.].

Uh. Nothing much else to talk about right now, so I'mma go.